On Board, Baby
by Nate Grey
Summary: 3rd in the On series. When a baby ray turns Kim into a toddler, Monique and Ron have to look after her for a weekend.  So NOT a good time for Monkey Fist and DNAmy to drop by.
1. Default Chapter

Notes: It would help if you've seen "Partners". If you haven't, DNAmy is the one who gave Monkey Fist his genetically altered monkey hands and feet, and she's kinda sweet on him. (insert shudder here)

Summary: When a 'baby ray' turns Kim into a toddler, Monique and Ron have to take care of her for a weekend. So NOT a good time for Monkey Fist and DNAmy to drop by.

**On Board, Baby**

**(Third in the "On" Series)**

**A Kim Possible Fanfic by**

**Nate Grey (XMAN0123-at-aol-dot-com)**

Monique couldn't shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong.

Kim and Ron had disappeared shortly after lunch, almost certainly on another mission to save the world.

Now, though, it was well after midnight, and she hadn't gotten the usual call from Kim confirming that they were both at home, safe and sound. It was something they'd only started recently, now that Monique had her own personal Kimmunicator. Ron might've forgotten to call, but Kim never had. So something had to be really wrong.

To make things worse, a thunderstorm had rolled in, and showed no signs of stopping any time soon. Monique had considered the possibility that the storm was keeping Kim from calling, but with the near-unlimited access Wade had to advanced technology, it didn't seem all that likely. And with the rain constantly pounding at her window, and the thunder booming loudly overhead every few minutes, Monique thought she might go mad before she finally got the call she was waiting for.

She never did get the call, but that was fine, since she got something much better...or worse, depending on how one looked at it.

Around two in the morning, the rain pounding on her window gradually turned into a rapid tapping, which then turned into outright knocking. Monique looked up to see the soaked face of Ron pressed against the window. She ran over and threw it open, allowing Ron to stumble in and get rainwater all over her floor.

"Ron, what happened?" she asked as she pulled off his wet jacket. "Where's Kim?"

"We got...big trouble," Ron gasped, still trying to catch his breath.

Monique suddenly noticed the oversized backpack on his back, especially when it shook slightly. "Oh, poor Rufus! He must be soaked!" She tore open the backpack and got the shock of her life.

Instead of the expected sight of a cold, wet naked role mat, what greeted Monique's widening eyes was a cold, wet two year-old girl. A very familiar looking two year-old girl, in fact.

"Oh my Lord," she breathed. "Kim!"

The little girl blinked and turned startlingly green eyes on her. They lit up at once with recognition, and the girl's small, slightly chubby fingers reached out for her eagerly.

Monique carefully picked up the toddler and held her at arm's length. "Kim?" she whispered again, holding the girl closer to her face.

The toddler grabbed two small fistfuls of Monique's hair. "Mo-Mo!" she shrieked happily.

Monique felt the girl's round little face with a trembling hand, then reached up to pat the two tiny pigtails in her red hair.

"Had a run-in with Professor Dementor," Ron explained. "He shot KP with this funky ray, and the next thing I knew, she started shrinking. I got her out of there while he was doing the whole evil laugh, and we went straight to the nearest Smarty Mart, since none of her clothes would fit anymore." He paused to take a breath. "Do you know how hard it is to dress a squirmy toddler while you're looking the other way? I swear I put the pink overalls on her backwards at least twice."

Monique shook her head. "Ron, we have to tell Kim's mom."

"What? NO! We can't tell Mrs. P! She'll kill me!"

"Ron, it wasn't your fault. And she's a brain surgeon! We have to know if this ray had any negative affects on poor Kim's brain! I mean, you see what it did to her body!"

"But I really think she's okay!" Ron argued weakly. "She knows us, she just translates everything into toddler talk. Here, I'll show you." He waved to get Kim's attention. "KP, who am I?" he asked, pointing at himself.

"Wonnie!" Kim squealed, bopping him on the nose with a little fist.

"OW!" Ron stepped back, clutching his nose. "And who's that?" he asked, pointing at Monique.

"MO-MO!" Kim cried loudly, waving her arms.

"And who fits in your pocket, huh?"

"Woofus!" Kim said proudly, beaming at him.

"See? She knows our names, she just can't say them right. Perfectly normal for a toddler, right? Right?"

"I guess," Monique admitted. "But we need to know for sure that she's okay. This is Kim we're talking about, Ron. Do you really want to risk not knowing if something else is wrong?"

His face fell. "No," he said quietly.

"Don't worry, no one will blame you. Anyway, Kim's family is at that big science conference in Washington, remember? They won't be back for a few days, so we've got some time to figure this all out. Call Wade and tell him everything that went down. I'll find some way to keep Kim entertained."

Kim apparently liked the idea of being entertained, because she got so excited that she let herself go. Literally. All over Monique.

"I was wondering where she put that Mega Gulp from earlier," Ron murmured hesitantly.

Monique glared at him. "You bought her clothes and a Mega Gulp, but no diapers?"

"Hey, the KP we know and love is potty trained! How was I supposed to know?"

"Ron, she's TWO!" Monique hissed. "EVERYTHING gets translated into toddler, not just words! Even if she knows better, she can't help it!"

"So what do we do?"

"YOU are going back to Smarty Mart for diapers and other assorted baby products. And call Wade, he should be able to help you come up with a shopping list. I'm going to get Kim cleaned up."

"But...won't you have to...y'know...undress her?" Ron asked.

"Yeah. What's your point?" Monique asked.

"Won't that a be a little...awk-weird? I mean, it's still Kim."

"Yes, but she's two. She needs this, and if I were hit by a baby ray, she'd do the same for me."

"Okay, but how likely is that?"

"Ron, just go. I feel a headache coming on, and you don't want to be here when that happens."

"Right. I'll just, uh, use the front door this time. Wet trees do not a good climbing tool make." He hurried out of the room.

Monique sighed and looked into Kim's innocent eyes. "Kim, because you're two, and you're my girl, I'll overlook this little accident. But in the future, let's try a little advance warning. You have to go, you let me know. Okay?"

"Okies," Kim replied, looking as serious as a toddler could.

Monique shook her head. "I hope Wade figures this out fast. You are too cute, and I've got a bad feeling I could get used to this."

Kim pulled open the big pocket on the front of her overalls. "Woofus sleep," she said, revealing a snoring hairless rodent.

"I'm glad one of us is getting some sleep tonight," Monique sighed. "Now let's hope changing diapers isn't as complicated as men make it seem..."

* * *

Only ten minutes later, Monique ran into her first real baby problem. The cleaning (hers and Kim's) had been fairly easy, but now she was stuck. Her house was very much diaper-free, and Ron still wasn't back yet. But she could hardly let Kim just sit there with her bottom hanging out. Kim could catch a chill, or be encouraged by the freedom to make an even bigger mess.

Monique had improvised with a large wad of super absorbent paper towels. Kim didn't care for the way they felt on her skin, but fortunately, tickling and numerous belly raspberries easily distracted her. Even Rufus was doing his part by doubling as a rat plushie, but fortunately, Kim seemed to appreciate the difference.

When Ron finally did return, Monique could understand what had taken so long. He hadn't known what size or type of diaper to buy, so he'd bought them all (at insanely low prices). There was even a box of adult diapers.

"And why would Kim need those?" Monique asked.

"They're for me," Ron explained, which earned him a blank look. "Hey, what if she wets on me while I'm here? What am I supposed to wear?"

"Ron, are you trying to say you would rather walk home in a diaper than in one of my old t-shirts?"

"Yes," Ron said firmly.

Monique shook her head. "Sorry I asked. What did Wade have to say?"

"He's going to try tracking down the baby ray. If he can't do that, he'll try making one that can reverse the process. Until then, he thinks we should be Kim's primary caregivers. I thought we could take turns."

"Toddlers are fussy, Ron, and they don't believe in turns. So if Kim says 'Wonnie' at 2 A.M., guess who I'm calling?"

"Aw, no way, Monique! That's just plain unreasonable! What can I do at 2 A.M. that I can't do at, say, 6 P.M.?"

"Well, I guess we're going to find out, Mr. Stoppable. Because until further notice, you will now be known as Kim's Daddy."

"But I'm not ready to be a father!" Ron whined.

"And I don't think Kim was ready to be a toddler again, but she's dealing, and so will you."

"How am I supposed to deal! When I left the house yesterday, I was a slightly awkward teenager! Now I'm knee-deep in a marriage with a kid! It's too much!"

"Don't think of it as taking care of a family. Think of it as looking out for Kim. After all the times she's saved your life, I would think you could give up three days for her, Ron."

Ron sighed. "But what if I screw up? KP will have to live with it for the rest of her life!"

"With any luck, Kim's natural toughness will come through even now. So as long as you don't start throwing bricks at her head, I think she'll be okay. But she still has to be watched every second."

"But that's like all the time!"

"Ron, you've spent over half your life with Kim. I think it's a bit late to decide you don't want to be around her anymore."

"She wasn't spitting up and peeing on me then!"

Monique decided to put her foot down then and there. "Ron, I'm going to say this only once. You'd better hope Kim doesn't remember how you're acting when she's back to normal. And even if she doesn't, I'm going to tell her."

"You wouldn't!" Ron gasped.

"If I'm going to be losing beauty sleep over Kim while you snore, then you better believe I would. Raising a little person generally works out better when there's two parents. Especially when those parents love and protect her. And if only for three days, you are going to love and protect Kim like she was a baby Stoppable. Because if you don't, I'll do something that would normally be beneath me."

Ron watched as she walked over to her dresser and picked up her Kimmunicator.

"I'll call Shego."

His eyes widened. "NO! I'LL BE THE DADDY, I'LL BE THE DADDY!"

"Much better." She opened a package of diapers and tossed one to Ron. "Slap that on her while I try to find something for her to eat."

Ron looked uneasily at the diaper, and then at Kim, who was trying to stick her toes in her mouth without much success. "Rufus, you gotta help me out here. Lead me by touch so I don't feel or see anything I shouldn't."

Rufus nodded and grabbed Ron's hand.

A moment later, Ron touched something that couldn't be his target. "Rufus, that don't feel like a leg!"

"Sorry! She moved," Rufus squeaked.

Ron took a deep breath. "AAAAAHHHHH!"

Kim giggled and kicked at Ron's thumb, very much amused.

* * *

Next Chapter: Monique gets into her 'mommy' role, and Shego pays Professor Dementor a visit. 


	2. Nighttime Pains

Chapter 2: Nighttime Pains

Professor Dementor had been having a very nice dream.

In it, he was standing over a sleeping Kim Possible's crib. He had watched the toddler in silence for a moment, before pointing the baby ray at her and pulling the trigger. Then he'd watched with an almost maniacal grin as she shrank until she no longer existed.

And while the dream was still very much a real possibility, Professor Dementor awoke to find that his reality was not so rewarding.

He immediately found his limbs were bound with some sort of thick tape, as was his mouth. The reason for this was all too clear.

Shego was sitting on his chest, looking quite bored.

"Oh, good. You're up. Let's play a game." She leaned forward and glared into his eyes. "You have ten fingers. I have no patience. I'll ask questions, you give answers. Every answer I don't like, you'll know." She seized his hand in a deathgrip.

Professor Dementor's eyes widened just a bit.

"Question one. Did you shoot Kim Possible with a baby ray?"

Slowly, he nodded.

Without really thinking about it, she grabbed his left pinky and snapped it, drawing a muffled moan of pain from him.

"Where did you shoot her? Raise one finger for the front, two for the back."

Fearfully, he slowly held up two fingers, both of which were instantly broken as well.

Shego ignored the pitiful look on his face. "How many people have you bragged to about this?"

All the color drained out of his face.

"That many, huh?" Shego muttered. "Well, you don't have that many fingers left..."

He looked relieved.

"But I've never broken toes before. Could be fun."

He shook his head desperately.

"Don't wanna do that? I guess we could go with Option C. How do you feel about radical plastic surgery? I hear it's all the rage. Now, where did I put my knife?" She began searching her costume while Professor Dementor squirmed beneath her.

Suddenly, Shego paused. "Oh, you know what? Silly me. It's not PLASTIC surgery. It's more like PLASMA surgery." With that, she raised a glowing green hand. "Pucker up, Prof. I'm gonna make you famous. You'll be the only evil genius without a face."

Despite Shego's best intentions, the tape did little to block out the screams that followed…

* * *

Kim Possible was having a very bad dream.

She was standing atop a pyramid of cheerleaders, smiling big and looking pretty.

And then she wet herself.

Even the disgusted cries of her fellow cheerleaders weren't loud enough to block out that lone voice of triumph.

"What's that matter, Kimmie?" Bonnie asked with a sneer. "Have a little accident? Too many sodas before bedtime?"

Kim tried to turn away, but instead of all her classmates, the bleachers were full of her greatest foes, from Adrena Lynn to the Seniors. And they were all pointing and laughing.

"Bedwetter!" Jack Hench cried.

"I cannot believe I ever wanted to be with such a baby!" Junior Senior said in horror.

Unable to run, Kim merely sank to the floor and hid her face in her hands, while the jeering crowd grew louder and louder.

Then she woke up, and realized that the truth was so much worse.

She hadn't wet the bed after all, but that was no real comfort. She was still trapped inside a toddler's body, and for some reason, she couldn't move around very much, either. Kim wanted to grab her hair and scream, but it didn't come out that way. Instead, the only way her body could think to express itself was to let out a miserable little whimper of warning to whoever might be listening.

Seconds later, a hand began to stroke her hair softly. "Shh. It's okay, Kim," a familiar voice whispered. "Everything will be fine."

Kim sniffled, flinching when she realized that her nose was running. She looked up to see Monique staring down at her, smiling gently. Well, that was sort of good, she decided at once. On one hand, she could trust Monique not to tell anyone about this. On the other hand, she didn't like the thought of anyone seeing her like this.

Monique wiped Kim's nose with a soft cloth. "You look a little restless, girl. But I can't really blame you. You are having an out-of-body experience, sort of. We need something to calm you down."

Kim wholly agreed. She didn't want to go back to sleep, not where that awful dream would be waiting on her. She could almost still hear Bonnie's laughter in her ears.

Monique carefully lifted Kim to sit in her lap. "I don't want you to worry, Kim. Wade's working around the clock on a way to get you back, and until then, I'll take care of you, with Ron's help."

Kim couldn't decide if that pleased her or not. Ron was her best friend and all, but after the diaper incident, she wasn't sure how much help he'd be. Still, it would be nice to have a laugh or two, especially now. They'd had a great time, once Ron figured out that her little body was ticklish virtually everywhere.

"I've been reading baby books," Monique went on. "They say constant physical contact with a mother is really important for little kids. It keeps them calm, and lets them know they're safe. More than anything, I want you to know that you're safe with me. Even if I'm not your mom."

In all honestly, Kim did feel fairly safe, just by being in Monique's lap. Maybe there was something to those books after all. But the thought of her mother just made her miss her old body even more. With another whimper, she buried her face in Monique's nightshirt.

"Oh, Kim, what's wrong, sweetie?" Monique asked, a hint of panic in her voice. She clearly hadn't been prepared for the sudden mood swing. Kim hadn't, either, but neither of them was thinking of that now. Monique drew Kim into her arms, resting her head lightly on Kim's. Even as she began to hum softly and rock Kim back and forth, Monique suspected she knew what was wrong.

"You need your mom, don't you, Kim?" Monique asked softly.

Swallowing a sob, Kim nodded.

"You want me to call her now?"

Kim started to nod again. Started to, anyway. And then she noticed something in Monique's eyes. Something she didn't like at all.

Pain.

At first, Kim couldn't understand why Monique would be hurting. It came to her quickly, though. That constant physical contact worked both ways. The moms needed it, too. They needed their children to need them in return. And maybe Monique wasn't Kim's real mother, but she had been for the last few hours. If nothing else, she was trying her hardest.

Maybe it was time for Kim to try a little, too. Despite her current situation, the hug had helped, and Kim knew it wouldn't feel as good if Monique was sad.

She wanted Monique to know how much all the care was appreciated. But all she could come up with was, "Kimmie love Mo-Mo." And while Kim was silently cursing her limited speech capacity, she missed the shocked look on Monique's face.

"I...I love you, too, Kim," Monique whispered, as if just realizing it herself.

Kim grinned up at her, resisting the urge to pick her nose. Somehow, it just didn't seem appropriate at the time. "Call later. Sleep now."

"Okay. Are you sure you can sleep now?"

Kim wanted to reply with her usual, "So not the drama." What came out was, "Kimmie okies. Kimmie with Mo-Mo." Which was more how she felt at the moment, but she still hadn't meant to say it. Apparently toddlers just blurted out whatever they felt. Or maybe that was only toddlers who were teenagers the previous day.

Monique arranged the pillows so that Kim would fit snugly between them and her, without being in danger of rolling off of the bed. It was an unnecessary step, however, since Kim got a firm grip on Monique's nightshirt before falling asleep.

* * *

Next Chapter: Monique tells Mrs. Possible about Kim, and someone has to give Kim a bath. 


	3. The Truth Shall Take A Bath

Chapter 3: The Truth Shall Take A Bath

"Moni, I'm home!" Ron shouted as he strolled into the kitchen the next morning.

"Very funny, Ron," Monique muttered as she fed Kim another spoonful of yogurt.

"What? I can't be glad to see my lady and my baby?" Ron teased, draping his arms around them.

"You can call her yours after you've changed a few diapers. As for me, you can just keep dreaming."

"See, if I didn't understand women, that would've really hurt me," Ron sighed. "I was just kidding. You're the one that said I was Kim's Daddy. And I assume you're Kim's Mommy, which makes us..."

"What?" Monique snapped, glaring at him.

Ron's face paled. "...primary caregivers and nothing else."

"Good answer."

"Did I do something wrong before I got here, or is this one of those things that's my fault just because I'm male and exist?"

Monique sighed. "Sorry, Ron. I've got a lot on my mind. I was thinking about calling Kim's mom in a few minutes."

"Oh. Anything I can do?" Ron asked.

"Cross your fingers. And keep Kim company."

Ron blinked. "Okay, but that's less Daddy work and more under the best friend heading."

"Then you shouldn't have any problems, should you?" Monique asked as she left the room.

"Good point." Ron carefully lifted Kim out of her brand new highchair. "Sooo. How far along are we on this whole 'not-peeing-on-people' thing, KP?"

Kim wrinkled her nose indignantly.

"Hey, don't you look at me like that! You're the one that had the accident all over Monique! In fact, since you just ate, I'd better check you now..." Very reluctantly, Ron lifted Kim a little higher and sniffed in the general direction of her bottom. "Hmm. I don't smell anything, so I guess you're clean." His eyes narrowed suspiciously. "Or is that just what you WANT me to think?"

Kim scrunched up her little face. "Wonnie stupidhead!"

"I may be a stupidhead, little lady, but I'm one with the bomb diggity tickling skills!"

Any protests Kim had dissolved into high-pitched laughter as Ron began his assault.

* * *

Monique could not remember ever having to use Mrs. Dr. Possible's cell phone number. She liked to keep the line clear for appointments and emergencies only, and Monique had simply never needed her so badly before.

Well, that was wrong. It was Kim who needed here there, in person. But Monique wouldn't be opposed to any baby advice she could offer, having not only done this three times, but having done it once with Kim already.

Monique was not at all surprised when the phone was picked up on the first ring.

"Dr. Possible, how may I help you?" said a pleasant voice.

It occurred to Monique, not for the first time, that someone was eventually going to get the wrong Dr. Possible. Although, between a rocket scientist and a brain surgeon, could you ever really go that wrong?

"Hey, Mrs. P," she said as calmly as she could. No need to worry her right away.

"Oh, Monique! I'm surprised to hear your voice. Is anything wrong at home?"

"I guess that's more a matter of perspective. Things could be better, but they could be worse."

There was only a slight pause. "Has something happened to Kim?" she asked softly.

Monique swallowed. "Yes, but she's fine, mostly."

Another pause. "I'm tempted to ask you to define 'fine' for me, but I won't. I will ask you this, though. If I was looking at Kim right now, would I agree with your definition?"

"Um...well, it's definitely nothing you haven't seen before," Monique replied. "That's sort of why I called. Kim is...she's...um...this is harder than I thought it would be."

"The truth often is, Monique. Take your time." Mrs. Possible sounded remarkably calm. For now.

"Professor Dementor turned Kim into a toddler," Monique said in a rush. "But she's okay! We've been changing and feeding her and everything!"

A much longer pause followed. "I assume Ronald is the other half of we?"

"Yeah. He mostly handles the entertainment."

"And Kim is fine?"

"Other than that, yes. She's been pretty calm, for a toddler. I was worried that her brain might've been impacted, though. I thought you might have some ideas."

"Does she recognize you?"

"Yes, Ron tested that. Everything she says and does comes out toddler, though. It's almost like-"

"Her mind is trapped in a toddler's body?" Mrs. Possible guessed.

"Yes, actually. How did you...?"

"I've seen too many sci-fi movies. You'd be surprised how many of them involve brain transplants. But I'm getting off the subject. Is Kim having trouble remembering anything?"

"I don't think so, but we hadn't really checked."

"Then I'd advise asking her things that a younger Kim wouldn't know. Not yet, anyway. Hmm. Try...Mr. Barkin's first name, Dr. Drakken's real name, and her brothers' names."

"Will do, Mrs. P." Monique lowered the phone and shouted, "Ron, get in here!"

A moment later, Ron walked in with Kim in his arms.

"Kim, what's Mr. Barkin's first name?" Monique asked.

"What, you forgot?" Ron asked in surprise.

"SHH! We need to test Kim's memory!"

"Oh, gotcha."

"Steve," Kim answered without much thought.

Monique sighed in relief. "Dr. Drakken's name?"

"Dew Lipsky," Kim said, frowning at the way it came out.

"Your brothers?"

"Tweebs," Kim replied automatically.

"Kim," Monique said seriously.

Kim rolled her eyes. "Tim, Jim."

"She knows everything, Mrs. P," Monique said into the phone.

"Thank goodness. That's one less thing to worry about."

Kim's face lit up at the sound of her mother's voice. "Mommeeeee!" she squealed, struggling in Ron's arms.

Monique blinked. "Hold on, I think Kim wants you."

Ron quickly put Kim in Monique's lap. "Slippery little thing when she wants to be."

"Mommy Mommy Mommeeeeee!" Kim chanted before Monique could get the phone next to her face.

"Hi, Kimmie," Mrs. Possible cooed. "How are you, honey?"

Kim beamed. "Kimmie okies, Mommy!"

"That's very good to know, angel. But does anything hurt? Any problems at all?"

"Kimmie no talk right," Kim reported hesitantly.

"That's okay, sweetheart. Your mind is just having trouble making your body understand that it's not really two. At least, it shouldn't be, and hopefully, it won't be for long. Anything else bothering you?"

"Bad dweems," Kim murmured. "And Wonnie stupidhead."

"HEY!" Ron cried.

Kim ignored him. "Mommy come home soon?" she asked hopefully. "Kimmie want Mommy."

"I'll be there as soon as I can, Kimmie. I know you'll be a good girl for me in the meantime, won't you?"

"Kimmie good. But Wonnie stupidhead."

"HEEEEEEY!" Ron shouted.

Kim giggled. "Wonnie say hi, Mommy."

"So I heard," Mrs. Possible chuckled. "Let me talk to Monique a little more, dear."

Kim pushed the phone up to Monique.

"Yes, Mrs. P?"

"I'm sure you and Ron can manage until I get back in town," Mrs. Possible said. "I should be there either late tonight, or early tomorrow morning. I am concerned about one little thing, though."

"What's that?"

"How long has Kim been this way?"

"Uh...let's see. Today is Saturday, so...less than twenty-four hours. She and Ron left school right after lunch."

"Ah. Then I'll get right to the point. When is the last time Kim had a bath?"

"I'm sure I don't know," Monique replied slowly, starting to realize where this was going.

"Maybe I should rephrase that. Who is going to give her a bath? I'm certain she could use one by now."

"Um...good question." Monique looked at Ron, who was making silly faces at Kim. "I guess I will."

"I thought you might volunteer, all things considered. I didn't think it was something Ron would be comfortable with."

Monique started to point out that she wasn't really comfortable with it, either. But she suspected Mrs. Possible was smart enough to know that. "Is there anything I should know?"

"You can't go wrong with tear-free shampoo. Make sure the water can't rise above her head in any way. And lock the door behind you."

"Okay, but why?"

"I'm assuming you've never had Ron walk in on you?"

"You have?" Monique asked in shock.

"No, and I wouldn't want to risk it in Kim's condition. She'll have enough trouble adjusting to her body without fearing what her friends think of it."

"I'm going to have to do a little more than see it," Monique reminded her.

"I know. But our options are limited, and Kim trusts you. So do I."

Monique blushed. "But how am I going to be able to look in her in the eye again if I do this?"

"I think a better question is how you'll be able to look her in the eye again if you don't, Monique. Good luck, and I'll talk to you soon."

Monique slowly lowered the phone.

"So, how mad is she?" Ron asked.

"Not at all. I have to give Kim a bath."

"Oh, that's...WHAT?"

"Mrs. P said so," Monique replied defensively.

"But...you're gonna see KP naked!" Ron cried.

Kim turned bright red.

"Ron, don't make it any more awk-weird than it already is! It has to be done, and YOU obviously can't do it!"

"I'm glad to see some of the sanity has returned, but you're still gonna see Kim naked!"

Monique put her hands on her hips. "I think Kim would rather accidentally drop her towel in front of me than you."

Ron shook his head. "I can't believe we're even talking about this!"

"No boys," Kim said quietly.

Monique and Ron looked at her.

"No boys," Kim repeated firmly. She reached into the big pocket on her overalls and pulled out Rufus, handing him to Ron. "No boys!"

Monique smirked. "I think she's made up her mind, Ron."

"And they say men are sexist," Ron muttered.

Kim waved her little fists insistently. "No boys! Only Mo-Mo and Kimmie!"

"Okay, fine! But I'm totally against this!"

"And what would you suggest?" Monique asked.

Ron nodded sagely. "Take her out back and hit her with the hose."

"My God, you're serious," Monique whispered in disbelief.

"We wouldn't even have to take off her clothes! Just let her drip dry!"

"STUPIDHEAD!" Kim shrieked.

"Took the words right out of my mouth, girl," Monique laughed.

* * *

Next Chapter: Shego's pissed at being left out of the loop, and Mrs. Possible falls into some hairy hands.

Reviews!

Gargoylesama

**Thanks a bunch for the info! I almost did an author's note on this, but decided against it before posting. Your review makes me think I should've kept it in. Kim's behavior is determined by two things: my experience (or lack thereof) with children, and the fact that while her body is two, her mind isn't. Which means that while she knows exactly how to say things or feed herself, her two year old body doesn't always comply with such commands. Kim does still possess the intelligence to warn Monique of when she has to potty, she just isn't used to the fact that she has to do so, or not having total control over her functions. To be honest, even I wake up from bad dreams at ungodly hours from time to time, and Kim still has her teen mind, so it's possible (no pun intended). She probably wouldn't really ask for Ron, but that's why she's with Monique. Lots of contradictions, I know, but it IS a pretty weird sitch. That, and I have no idea what I'm doing... ;**


	4. Shego the Sitter

Chapter 4: Shego the Sitter

Shego had passed worried roughly ten minutes ago, and slightly concerned an hour before. Now, she was just extremely pissed. Which wasn't as bad as murderous rage, but dangerously close all the same.

There was no one at Kim's house, the sidekick was missing in action, and if she'd known where Wade lived, he'd have gotten a visit, too. All of which meant only two things to Shego.

First, and most importantly, someone was keeping Kim from her. Second, someone was keeping her out of the loop.

Shego was currently perched on top of Bueno Nacho, scowling to herself. She had been hoping to at least catch one of Kim's familiars here, but no such luck. No sidekick, no squeaky rat, no...no...what?

She was forgetting something, but she couldn't recall what, exactly. Perhaps Kim had another friend? That was likely, pretty girls like Kim generally had friends in excess, whether they wanted them or not.

Shego thought back to her last meaningful conversation with Kim. She wanted to focus on the kiss, but she quickly forced the dreamy smile off of her face and locked in on the words. Something about them meeting at a friend's house, because Shego had never been there...

Monique. That was who she'd mentioned. Not that Shego had any idea where she lived. There was still a way to find out, though, if her luck was any good this night.

Crossing her fingers, she dug a Kimmunicator out of her pocket. She could still hardly believe that Kim had slipped it on her without her noticing. And it was even harder to believe that Kim had claimed it was lost when anyone else asked. Shego had been warned only to use it as a last resort, since Wade could probably trace any calls made on it. But since it was Wade she'd be calling, it didn't matter that much.

It took several hails, but Wade finally answered. Shego could see right away that he hadn't gotten any sleep recently, and decided to make this quick.

"Why are you calling me and how did you get a Kimmunicator?" Wade asked at once.

"I wouldn't have to call you if people told me things," Shego snapped. "Like what happened to Kimmie after she got zapped?"

He attempted to blink away some of the fog around his brain. "Sorry about that. I've been working on trying to reverse the effects, and I never really stopped to take a break, so I didn't think to call you."

"Obviously," Shego snarled.

"Yikes. Kim is at Monique's."

"I need an address, smarty pants."

"Sending...done. Since she doesn't know you're coming, you might want to knock."

"And you might want to take a nap. If I find out you messed Kimmie up even further because you didn't get any sleep, you'll never have to worry about messing up again."

Wade stared at her. "Are you threatening me?"

"Yes. I'm threatening you." Shego hesitated. "...for Kimmie."

Wade blinked in confusion. "Oh. Well, that's okay, then. I guess."

* * *

"There we go, Kim. All nice and clean." Monique carefully dried Kim's hair with a towel. "Now let's see if we can keep you that way until your mom gets here."

Kim grinned and pointed behind her. "Go! Go go go!"

Monique frowned. "Kim, I asked you when we started if you had to go, and you said no."

"Go go go!" Kim insisted.

"Okay, fine. But we need to cut down your liquid intake if you're going to be leaking like this. Especially if you think you're going to share a bed with me again."

"You mind repeating that?" an angry voice directly behind her asked.

Monique slowly turned around to find Shego glaring down at her. Then she noticed the open bathroom window. "You couldn't use the door?"

"You mind telling me why you're sleeping with Kimmie?"

"Um...I know you don't have much experience with babies, but you're not really supposed to leave them alone. Ever. Besides, Kim had a nightmare, so she would've ended up sleeping with me, anyway."

"And which of us do you think would be better at protecting her?" Shego asked.

"Well, you. But you weren't exactly here."

"And you didn't exactly call me and say where here was, or that Kim was here, did you?"

"Sorry. We were all so worried about Kim, and-"

"I WAS WORRIED ABOUT KIM!" Shego yelled. "Did none of you stop to think that maybe I might want to know she was okay? I bet you didn't! I bet you just hopped into bed with her without a second thought!"

Monique blinked, realization washing over her. "Shego, are you...jealous?" she asked, a hint of a smile on her lips.

Shego froze. And then snapped. "You give me one good reason why I shouldn't melt your face off like I did-" She felt something wrap around her ankle, and looked down to see Kim holding onto her leg. Even more surprising was the fact that the toddler had tears in her eyes.

"Go hurt," Kim whimpered sadly.

Shego blinked in confusion. "Huh? Kimmie, what are you-"

"Is that blood on your gloves?" Monique gasped.

Without even looking, Shego whipped off her gloves and shoved them into her pocket. She bent down and held out her bare hands. "See, Kimmie? I'm fine."

Kim blinked and quieted down. "No hurt?" she asked, carefully placing her little hands in Shego's.

"Nope. Not for me, anyway." Shego closed her hands over Kim's and squeezed gently.

Apparently satisfied, Kim held up her arms to be picked up, and Shego hesitantly obeyed. She'd obviously never held a child before.

"It if means that much to you," Monique said quietly, "you can stay with Kim tonight."

"I was thinking of staying longer. Like until she's back to normal," Shego snorted defiantly.

"Are you asking or telling?"

Shego rolled her eyes. "Look, Dementor bragged to his pals about this. There's a bunch of evil freaks out there that know Kimmie's a baby, and they'll be coming for her. You want me to NOT be here when they show up?"

Monique considered that for about three seconds. "Okay, you talked me into it."

"Yeah, I thought you'd OW!" Shego grimaced as Kim tugged on her hair.

"She does that," Monique explained. "We think it's how she says hi. She'll stop…once she realizes it hurts you. In about ten minutes…"

"Wonderful," Shego said through gritted teeth.

* * *

Mrs. Dr. Possible had been ready to take a cab straight home, but someone at the hospital had sprung for a limo. She really didn't think it necessary, especially when the hospital could always use more funding, but she could hardly refuse such blatant generosity.

"Please, help yourself to the sparkling water, Doctor Possible," the driver invited.

"Hmm? Oh, thank you." She opened the mini fridge beside her and pulled out a small bottle.

"No need to look so distracted, ma'am. I'll have you home to your family in no time."

"Oh, it's not that. I'm just thinking of my daughter. She's run into some...trouble lately."

"Ah, the torments of youth. I almost look forward to them. I'm starting my own family soon."

"How nice!" Mrs. Possible exclaimed. "Are you hoping for a boy or a girl?" she asked, taking a small sip of water.

"Oh, definitely a girl. We already have a name in mind. We want to call her Kim."

"Odd," Mrs. Possible murmured. "That's also my daughter's name."

The driver chuckled softly. "Isn't this world of ours just full of little coincidences like that?"

"I...suppose..." Mrs. Possible placed a hand on her head. "I feel...so sleepy...all of a sudden..."

"As well you should," the driver commented. "That water has been spiked with a mild tranquilizer. You'll be fast asleep by the time we reach your home."

"What? Why are you...doing this?"

"Because, Mrs. Possible," the driver continued, "I have every intention of making your daughter my own. And when I'm done, the world will have a new Kim Possible. One that lives solely to carry out my bidding. I doubt you'll even recognize her then."

"Won't...let you..." she whispered before falling into a deep sleep.

"I don't recall asking," the driver replied, picking up the phone. "Amy, I have the good doctor in custody. Are your friends prepared?"

"Ready and waiting, sugar booger!"

The driver smiled. "Excellent. Be ready to proceed when I arrive. Tonight, we take Kim Possible. Tomorrow, the world!"

* * *

"I still don't like it," Ron said. "I mean, you left Kim alone with Shego!"

Monique shrugged. "I didn't have much choice. She was really upset over not being involved, and Kim wanted to stay with her."

"She's a baby! She doesn't know what she wants!"

"I think she does. Maybe it's you that doesn't know what Kim wants. If you go in there and try to take her away from Shego, our ears will never hear the end of it. Not to mention what Shego would do."

"Did you even ask about the blood on her gloves?" Ron demanded.

Monique shook her head. "I didn't want to. Not in front of Kim. But I will, eventually. She mentioned melting someone's face off."

"And this is someone you want around Kim?"

"No, but it's someone Kim wants around. I don't think Shego would dream of hurting her. You didn't see how worried Kim was when she thought Shego was hurt. Or how quickly Shego reassured her."

"Then you're gonna have to explain to Mrs. P why we have an arch enemy holding her kid," Ron decided. "No way I'm getting blamed for this."

"I would think you'd be more concerned with what Shego said about Kim's enemies coming here," Monique snapped. "So if you really want to help, be ready to break out the Monkey Kung Fu."

* * *

Shego had never been more afraid in her life, but she imagined it was a pretty silly fear to have. Who knew holding a tiny little life would be so scary?

Hesitantly, she raised her head slightly off of the couch cushion to look down the length of her body. Kim was still slumped carelessly over Shego's stomach, her small mouth opening and closing as wispy breaths escaped it.

Shego slowly ran her fingers through Kim's red hair, careful not to wake her. She was still very much afraid that she'd touch Kim the wrong way and accidentally break her somehow. But Kim had not enjoyed being treated like a hazardous chemical, and had refused to let go of Shego for even a moment.

The look on the sidekick's face had been priceless, really.

Once or twice, Shego had considered calling Dr. Drakken, on the off chance that he knew how to make a reverse baby ray. She'd decided against it, though. Even if he could make one, he might be tempted even now to be the evil genius responsible for Kim Possible's downfall. Well, the second one, anyway. Professor Dementor would recover eventually, and he'd probably need a bigger mask then.

She smiled at the thought, and let the sound of Kim's soft breathing lull her to sleep.

* * *

Next Chapter: Enter the Monkey (Fist), his main squeeze, and their furry friends. 


	5. The Polar Puppy Shuffle

Note: Keep in mind that Shego & Monkey Fist's 'relationship' here is formed largely from events described in 'On Sabbatical' (which of course you've read). Which isn't to say that they particularly like or hate each other, just that they can at least be civil, sort of.

Chapter 5: The Polar Puppy Shuffle

There were plenty of ways to wake up, and while a sharp tug of the hair wasn't one of Shego's favorites, it always did the trick. She nearly sat up with her hands blazing, but before she could, something in the back of her mind came to the forefront.

First, that weight on her chest was probably Kim, and sitting up would throw her off. Second, the glowing hands might spook her.

Shego's green eyes drifted open, only to find Kim's own pair staring right back at her. She sighed. "Kimmie, if this is supposed to be one of those cutesy middle-of-the-night baby things..." she began.

Kim whimpered and tugged on Shego's hair again, though not quite as hard this time, and pointed at the window.

Shego rolled her eyes. "Yes, it's night. That's when people normally sleep. Normally."

Kim's whimper rose to whine, and she kept pointing at the window.

Shego scowled. "What? You want a midnight walk? The moon is full? You can see Uranus? WHAT?"

Her eyes brimming with tears, Kim said in a soft, clear voice, "Puppy."

Shego nearly fell off of the couch. "Say what?"

"Puppy," Kim said again, glancing back at the window.

"There had BETTER be more, Kimmie."

"BIG puppy!" Kim cried, burying her face in Shego's hair.

"So you're not a dog person?" Shego guessed, patting Kim's back. "Nothing to be scared of. It's not like a puppy could get into the house, no matter how big it was."

Immediately, there was a loud crunch that sounded suspiciously like the front door caving in against some enormous pressure.

Kim began to whine again.

"This is no time for I told you so!" Shego grabbed Kim and leaped to her feet, looking for a good hiding place. Her eyes went to the hall closet, which was a bit too obvious, and then to the couch she'd just been sitting on.

"Gonna need you to trust me on this one, Kimmie." Shego bent down, lifted the front portion of the couch, and looked at Kim expectantly.

Kim didn't move.

"Hey, it's the last place I'd look. You want to be safe from the giant puppy or not?"

Kim looked like she was considering it now. "Go hide?" she asked, touching Shego's hair.

Shego shook her head. "Someone has to distract the puppy."

"Go hide!" Kim insisted.

"No, Kimmie. I've got the best chance of holding them off, and I know your pals are good at running like wimps. They'll get you out if things get hairy."

There was a louder crunch, followed by something heavy slamming into a wall.

Kim clutched at Shego's hair fearfully.

"I can't protect you with one arm, Kimmie. No sense in both of us getting hurt, right?" Shego lowered her voice. "Do it for me, okay? I won't be any good in a fight if I'm worrying about you."

Kim didn't look happy, but she obediently crawled under the couch.

Shego stood up and turned slightly in time to catch sight of a huge figure shuffling into the room. "Whoa. She wasn't kidding about the big puppy."

The creature that stood before her had definitely once been a puppy. Its cheerful face, panting breath, long tongue, and drooping ears were proof enough of that. But instead of ending in the expected dog's body, this animal widened into a massive, solid build of white fur and pure muscle. The fact that it stood on two thick legs only made it slightly more intimidating.

In all honestly, Shego couldn't understand why Kim had been afraid of it. Sure, it was big, but that was where the threat ended. If she could just keep from looking at its sickeningly adorable face, she'd have no problem taking it down inside a minute.

That is, until Monkey Fist appeared at the creature's side.

The simian supercriminal eyed Shego with a combination of grudging respect and slight disdain (only because she'd never seen fit to work for him, though). "Megabitch," he said calmly, reverting to the rather unusual nickname he'd thought up for her at some point.

"Baboon Butt," Shego replied easily, dropping a hand to her hip. "I didn't know you were a dog lover."

"They have their uses," Monkey Fist replied, reaching up to scratch the puppy's head absently. "I must admit I'm a bit surprised to find you here. I had assumed I was making the first strike on the newly vulnerable Kim Possible. I had no idea that Drakken could react so quickly."

"I'm kinda flying solo here," Shego corrected.

"Ah. I don't suppose you'd be willing to contribute to my plan of turning Kim Possible into my monkey servant?" he asked, his dark eyes narrowing the slightest bit.

"Not especially, no."

"Very well. Then must I consider you a foe for the duration of this little engagement?"

"Consider away," Shego answered, setting her face into a determined scowl.

Monkey Fist sighed. "As you wish. Huckleberry?"

The puppy's ears perked up at once, even as Shego resisted the urge to gag at the name.

Monkey Fist pointed at Shego. "Show her what you do to people who get in your way."

Tongue wagging excitedly, Huckleberry shuffled forward.

* * *

Mrs. Dr. Possible woke up in her own bed with no memory of how she'd gotten there. All she knew was that the driver had drugged her with some sort of tranquilizer, and it had apparently worn off now.

It was then that she noticed the huge, dog-like creature in the corner, as well as what could only be monkey ninjas crowded around the bed.

The big dog let out a single bark, and a bespectacled woman stuck her head in the room.

"Oh, you're awake! Good! Everything is going just like we planned it!"

"You're...DNAmy, aren't you?" Mrs. Possible asked slowly.

Amy flushed with pleasure. "You've heard of me?"

"Kim told me you're the only mad geneticist that ever bothered to make cute creations," Mrs. Possible explained, nodding at the dog.

"He is a darling, isn't he?" Amy cooed, reaching out to tickle her creation's chin.

"I'd always thought that monkey ninjas were someone else's MO, though."

"Oh, you mean my sugar booger!" Amy gushed. "He's quite a wild man, that one. Or he used to be. Now he's my monkey man!"

"Why are you keeping me here?" Mrs. Possible asked directly.

"Didn't Monty tell you? We're going to turn your precious Kim into our own little monkey child."

Mrs. Possible's eyes widened. "You wouldn't dare!"

"You're not really in a position to argue," Amy reminded her. "And it's not as if we'd be cruel to her. Monty is only going through all this trouble because he sees such great potential in her."

"You can't just take someone's child and make her your own!"

Amy shook her head gently. "We can, actually. A little monkey DNA, some radical gene surgery, and years of programming and training is all we need to make Kim Possible into the perfect monkey minion."

"I won't let you get away with this!" Mrs. Possible swore.

"Now, now, you'll only excite yourself needlessly. Oh, are you cold? You're trembling." Amy snapped her fingers. "Pluto, would you be a dear and keep Dr. Possible warm?"

Before Mrs. Possible could protest, the large dog creature moved over to the bed and swept her into its thick, powerful arms with all the gentleness any loving mother would possess.

"You see? They're not so bad. None of my children are," Amy reasoned.

Mrs. Possible couldn't really reply, as her mouth was now blocked by a great deal of Pluto's soft, white fur.

* * *

Ron didn't really know what to think when he rushed in and found Shego locked in the comfortable-looking embrace of an oversized puppy.

That is, until Shego spotted him and snarled, "Don't just stand there, stupid! Help me!"

It wasn't even a monkey, but that wasn't why Ron hesitated.

"But...it's so cute!" he argued.

"It's here for Kimmie! Attack already!" Shego shouted.

That got Ron's attention. He looked up at the puppy's face. "Sorry, big fella, but Kim's cuter than you, especially now." Setting his jaw, he let out a karate yell that was mostly for show and launched a decent flying kick that landed directly on the dog's elbow.

If the puppy felt the blow, he didn't show it.

Ron backed up a few feet, hoping Shego didn't realize he hadn't really been trying.

So of course, she did.

"Quit holding back, moron! Put some Mystical Monkey Buttwhoop on him!"

"That won't be necessary," Monkey Fist interrupted smoothly. "Bingo, fetch."

Ron didn't have time to avoid the huge arms that wrapped around him from behind. He hadn't expected that there would be more than one dog.

"Now," Monkey Fist said quietly, "where is Kim Possible?"

Silence.

"Fine. If you're going to be difficult, I have my own ways of finding her." He snapped his fingers, and a third dog entered the room. "Droopy, sniff out the child."

Shego's face fell at that, but she hid it well enough.

Droopy sniffed only once, and immediately lumbered over to the couch, where he dropped to all fours and stuck his nose out. He'd only been there a few seconds when he suddenly scrambled back, pawing at his face and howling miserably.

Monkey Fist frowned and moved to the couch, yanking up the front portion and getting much the same treatment. He screeched in outrage and backpedaled, bumping into the wall.

Kim emerged from the back of the couch, armed with matching salt and pepper shakers. She quickly stuffed them into her big pocket and crawled for the door as fast as she could.

But Monkey Fist recovered too rapidly and crossed the room in a single bound, landing directly in her path. "That will be far enough, Kim Possible!" he growled.

Kim stopped and pulled out her shakers, wielding them as threateningly as she might a pair of short swords.

"You have already caused me considerable discomfort," Monkey Fist reminded her, brushing some traces of pepper from his face. "If you were to escape now, I would be tempted to take my displeasure out on your friend." He motioned to Bingo, who brought Ron over at once.

Kim looked helplessly between Ron and Monkey Fist, any thoughts of escape rapidly fading from her mind. She began to slip the shakers back into her pocket.

"No. Throw them away," Monkey Fist ordered.

Kim obeyed, tossing the shakers a good distance away.

"Now, come here like a good little girl."

Kim didn't move.

Almost casually, Monkey Fist's right arm snapped up and caught Ron full in the face, bloodying his nose.

"WONNIE!" Kim squealed in despair.

"KP, don't-" Ron began to say, but Monkey Fist's arm snapped up again, scoring a knockout blow this time.

"I don't like to repeat myself," Monkey Fist stated, wiping his paw-like hand on Ron's shirt. "Come here."

Her bottom lip trembling, Kim slowly and warily crawled toward Monkey Fist. She was only a few feet away when she suddenly sprang up, aiming a vicious headbutt at his crotch.

Monkey Fist didn't move, as he was very much prepared for such a maneuver. Kim was still inches away when something long, black, and furry shot out and wrapped tightly around her waist, suspending her in mid-air.

"Didn't I mention? I went back to my beloved Amy for one last treatment. Amazing creatures, spider monkeys. Their tails are just as strong as their paws. Stronger, in some cases." He chuckled, his new tail tightening, making Kim whine with discomfort.

"Bet you really do have a baboon's butt by now," Shego muttered.

"You'll never have the chance to find out, Shego. I'm spoken for." With that, Monkey Fist turned and headed for what remained of the front door, the dogs falling in line behind him.

Shego found herself wondering if Kim would've given up faster, had Monkey Fist threatened her instead. That he hadn't was an obvious indicator that he knew nothing of their recent connection, which was a plus. He had enough leverage over Kim with just Ron as a hostage. She didn't even want to think about what Kim would do to keep her safe. Because deep down, she had a feeling that the answer was an awful lot.

* * *

Next Chapter: Monique gets a rescue team, and Monkey Fist makes Mrs. Possible an offer she can't refuse.

I think the mini-lesson on spider monkeys is true, but if not, then just chalk the strong tail up to Mystic Monkey muscle. The polar puppies, by the way, greatly resemble the puppy DNAmy created in "Partners". (if you know all the dogs they're named after…well, you're probably getting old like me)


	6. I'll Be A Monkey's Mother

Chapter 6: I'll Be A Monkey's Mother

Monique sighed in relief as the Kimmunicator beeped. "Wade, please give me good news."

Wade paused. "Bad news first then. Mrs. Dr. Possible should've been home by now, but the last time she spoke to anyone was when she called her husband after she landed at Middleton Airport. She told him the hospital had provided a limo."

"What does that mean?"

"It gets worse. The hospital didn't send a limo. Whoever picked her up was probably working with Monkey Fist."

"So he has Kim, Mrs. P, and Ron?" Monique asked sadly.

"And Shego," Wade added uneasily. "Which has actually turned out to be a good thing. I just got off the phone with Dr. Drakken. He's willing to help."

"...Wade, what have we told you about associating with evil geniuses?"

"We can't be picky right now, Monique. It's going to take some time before Mr. Dr. Possible and the twins can get back in town, but Drakken is ready to act now. Apparently, he's more attached to Shego than we knew. Either that, or he wants to protect his investment. I imagine she doesn't come cheap."

"Does he know about Kim's...condition?"

"I didn't tell him, and I got the impression Shego didn't, either. But that doesn't mean he doesn't know anything about it."

"I'm really worried, Wade. I think we can trust Shego, but I'm not sure about him."

"Once she's free, she'll keep him in line, I hope. Until then, that's sort of your job. I told him to swing by your place and pick you up."

Monique's eyes widened. "You did WHAT?"

* * *

Mrs. Dr. Possible looked up as her bedroom door opened. She gasped as a very hairy man stepped in, recognizing him at once as her driver. "You!" Her hands flew to her mouth in terror as she spotted what was curled up in his tail. "KIMMIE!"

"She's fine," Monkey Fist stated, even as Kim burst into fresh tears, reaching out for her mother.

DNAmy looked from the crying child to the stricken mother uneasily, and then at Monkey Fist. "Sugar booger," she said softly, "it wouldn't hurt to let her hold Kim, would it? They'd both stop crying, if nothing else."

Apparently seeing the wisdom in that, Monkey Fist stretched out his tail and allowed Mrs. Possible to reclaim her daughter.

"Oh, Kimmie, they didn't hurt you, did they?" Mrs. Possible murmured, hugging her child tightly.

"Wonnie," Kim whimpered. "Wonnie hurt."

"Merely a bloody nose," Monkey Fist answered before Mrs. Possible could ask. "And that, I might add, was a result of her refusing to surrender." He gestured to the monkey ninjas. "Keep an eye on them. We'll be leaving shortly."

* * *

Monique still had her doubts when the hovercraft landed in her backyard. But she was determined to do everything she could to help Kim and the others, even if it meant teaming up with the likes of Dr. Drakken. She quickly marched up the small ramp that extended from the hovercraft.

Drakken only spared her an uneasy glance before taking off.

Monique immediately noticed the huge pile of various inventions and weapons. "What's all this?"

"As you know, fisticuffs are more Shego's expertise than mine. I'm forced to rely on more mechanical methods." His eyes went to the bag on her shoulder. "What did you bring? Some sort of bomb?"

Monique flushed. "Not exactly." She was not about to tell him that the bag was full of various baby products. It wasn't as if she'd had much to work with in the first place, and she doubted Monkey Fist would be considerate enough to change Kim's diaper.

Fortunately, Drakken let the subject drop there, and they spent the next few minutes in awkward silence.

* * *

About the only thing that Mrs. Dr. Possible could be thankful for was that Kim had finally fallen into a troubled sleep during the ride to DNAmy's genetics lab. They'd been surrounded by monkey ninjas and what Amy called "polar puppies" the entire time, so there never had been a chance to escape. Aside from that, she was still concerned about Ron, since all requests to see him had been promptly denied.

However, she did finally catch a brief glimpse of him as they were ordered out of the armored truck that transported them. Ron was unloaded at the same time as another woman, who Mrs. Possible quickly recognized as Shego. While she was a little confused about Shego's presence, especially as a fellow hostage, Ron seemed to be fine, save for the bloody nose. Both of them had been sedated for easy handling, she suspected.

Mrs. Possible was led into the lab, which was dominated by a large, see-thru containment pod. The mere sight of it made her clutch Kim tighter, recalling what Monkey Fist and DNAmy had in store for her.

As it turned out, the two mad animal lovers had been revising their original plan. It was Monkey Fist who made the startling proposal.

"You have a choice to make, Dr. Possible. Your daughter's fate is sealed. Yours, however, is to be determined by you."

"What do you mean?" she asked uncertainly.

"You have two options. Option A: you watch, as in your last moments together, your daughter becomes one of my monkey minions. After the transformation is complete, you will be released, and you will never see her again."

The hatred in her eyes told him all he needed to know of what she thought of that option.

"Option B: you share your daughter's fate, and also become one of my monkey minions. You would be allowed limited interaction with her on a regular basis, but any attempts to undo the reprogramming would result in suspension of said interaction. I would remind you that in that case, you would become virtually useless to me. I do not keep useless things for very long."

Mrs. Possible closed her eyes, but tears still ran down her face. "Option B," she said softly, burying her face in Kim's hair.

* * *

"I've got a lock on their location," Wade announced. "They're in DNAmy's lab. That's-"

"I know where it is," Dr. Drakken interrupted, an edge to his voice.

"Oh. My guess is Monkey Fist wants to get his hands on the Mystical Monkey Power again. Or maybe he wants to turn Kim into a monkey again. Mrs. Dr. Possible is probably just there to make Kim cooperate."

Monique glanced at Drakken. "And Shego?"

"I don't think they planned for her to be involved. But now that they have her, Monkey Fist might turn her into a monkey, just so he'd have more power in his army."

Drakken didn't say anything, but Monique could tell he wasn't fond of the idea of Shego as a monkey.

"Any chance of pulling the plug, Wade?"

"Only if they're not in a rush. Amy has her own private generators. I could probably knock them offline, but she'd just switch to backup power, which would take longer to disable. It wouldn't be enough to make them all monkeys tonight, but they'd have barely enough to make one."

"Do what you can. We'll just have to take out the power first thing."

"Dr. Drakken, you wouldn't happen to have any wide-range EMP weapons, would you?" Wade asked.

Drakken nodded. "Yes. It would take a few minutes to set up, but once operational, it should be capable of instantly shutting down every machine in a five mile radius."

Wade sighed in relief. "Just make sure you land before you use it."

"I'd have to, anyway. It would drain nearly all of the hovercraft's power to fire."

"Guess we're walking back," Monique sighed.

* * *

Shego's eyes snapped open as a high-pitched wail assaulted her ears.

Only a few feet away from her, the containment pod was glowing a brilliant red. But even through the red haze, Shego could still make out the two redheads clinging to each other.

"Kimmie," she whispered.

"So you're awake already," Monkey Fist said, moving into view. "I suspected your body would cancel out the effects of the tranquilizer faster. No matter. You're still powerless to stop us. We made sure those manacles would suppress your plasma powers."

Shego glanced down. She was suspended about two feet above the floor, her arms and legs hidden within thick manacles, which in turn were attached to the wall itself. A look to the right proved that Ron was confined in much the same way, and he was still out cold to boot.

"Not to worry, Shego. You'll have a place in my monkey army...once you've met the requirements, that is. Amy assures me that you'll retain your powers, even after you become a primate. You'll even be able to do battle with Kim Possible in the future, and I know how much you look forward to that."

Shego could barely hear Monkey Fist's words. She was busy wracking her brain for a way out of this mess. Ron wasn't going to be any help, so it was up to her to save the two Possibles and herself. But the manacles were definitely working, because she couldn't generate even the tiniest bit of plasma energy in her hands.

Shego blinked, and then her face split into a wicked grin. "I guess you covered all the bases, Baboon Butt. Almost, anyway."

Monkey Fist stared at her warily. "What do you mean?"

"For the sake of argument, let's say these fancy manacles of yours do work. How would you know?"

"For one thing, you'd be loose by now if they didn't. They work."

"Yeah, they do," Shego admitted. "There's one itty bitty problem."

"And what's that?"

"Who says I can only generate plasma through my hands?"

His eyes widened. "You're lying. I've never seen you expel it from anywhere else!"

"Well, duh! Not something I advertise. But I find it comes in handy for tight spots like this."

"Then I'm calling your bluff," Monkey Fist growled, turning away. "Amy! Begin the process! Bombard them with monkey DNA!"

"Right away, sugar booger!" Amy replied with glee as she bent over the main console.

Monkey Fist faced the containment pod and smiled. "When next I see you, Kim Possible, you will belong to me!"

Neither of them noticed the snarl on Shego's lips, or the fact that her green eyes were glowing like hot coals, just seconds before they ignited.

* * *

Next Chapter: Shego brings down the house, but at what cost to herself? 


	7. It Ain't Easy Being Green

Notes: I'm no rocket scientist (or brain surgeon, for that matter), so my understanding of Shego's comet powers is limited. All I know is plasma is involved, so that's what I'm basing this application of them on. If it's not possible, call it artistic license. Won't happen again, I swear.

Chapter 7: It Ain't Easy Being Green

Monkey Fist was so busy laughing maniacally that he almost didn't hear the familiar sound. But he'd been around Shego long enough to know what it sounded like when she discharged plasma, and it only took him an instant to react.

He'd dropped to the floor well before the twin beams could take his head off, and his tail snaked around Amy's legs and yanked, pulling her down as the beams slammed into space that her head had just occupied.

Shego was still imprisoned, but now he saw his error. Her eyes were giving off the same green and black energy that her hands usually did. How she could still see, he didn't know, but she obviously could. The next pair of beams sailed just over his left shoulder, singing the fur there.

"Amy, take cover!" Monkey Fist shouted, springing into the air to draw Shego's fire.

Shego blinked, and two more beams flew from her eyes, just missing his tail.

Monkey Fist ran along the wall, dodging Shego's blasts as best he could while staying away from the vital machines. Just a few more feet and he could knock her out again.

But Shego suddenly turned her head, and he realized he'd made another mistake.

Amy was slowly crawling to a row of computer consoles, but she was still all too vulnerable.

A wicked grin framed Shego's face as she fired again.

Having little choice, Monkey Fist, pushed off from the wall and took the two beams in his left shoulder, howling in pain as he hit the floor.

"So you do have a heart under all that hair," Shego murmured in an amused tone. "Almost makes me feel bad about having to take you out. But you just couldn't leave Kimmie alone, could you? What, being fixated on the sidekick wasn't enough for you? You got too damn greedy, Fist. And you know what happens to bad little monkeys whose eyes are too big for their stomachs, don't you?" Her eyes blazed even brighter. "They get full and explode!"

Monkey Fist darted aside as two more beams slammed into the floor under his feet, bounding across the lab to land on the containment pod. With a mad look in his eyes, he drove a fist into the pod, grimacing as the glass tore gashes open in his arm. He drew his arm back enough to reveal he was holding a lock of red hair. "One more attack and I'll snap both their necks!" he threatened.

The energy clouds around Shego's eyes winked out at once.

"So. You do care. Interesting...but far too late." Monkey Fist grinned at her. "You've proven far too untrustworthy and dangerous to keep around, Shego. I'll have no choice but to kill you. But you'll suffer first. Oh, you'll suffer greatly, indeed."

Shego smiled darkly. "Speaking of suffering, got a joke for you, Fist. What's green, black, furry, and dead?"

"I never was one for jokes," he replied, glaring at her.

"Give up? A monkey man trapped in ion gas. Which I've been emitting through my pores since I came to. And guess where most of it ended up?"

Monkey Fist's eyes widened in fear. "You wouldn't dare. I have the child!"

Shego laughed. "See, I've had my powers a bit longer than you, and I've got this whole precise control thing down. The gas don't go where I don't want it to. So the only one that needs to worry about crashing and burning is you. Which gives you until the count of ten to put Kimmie down. One..."

Monkey Fist swallowed and withdrew his hand from the pod.

"...zero."

"NO!" he screamed, even as his body burst into emerald flames. He tried to beat them out, shrieking and slapping at his fur, even as his paw-like hands began to blister and smoke.

"Sorry, Baboon Butt," Shego muttered, "but you messed with the wrong toddler this time." She flicked her gaze over to Amy, who was watching in sheer terror. "Don't think I can't do it again, either."

* * *

Dr. Drakken was almost finished converting his hovercraft into a battery for an EMP disrupter when Wade called.

"Um...I don't think we need to worry about the machine anymore," Wade said softly, looking a bit green around the edges.

"Why not?" Monique asked. "What happened?"

"Well, I hacked into a security camera, and...Shego handled the situation. As only she could. But if you've got a fire extinguisher, bring that. And whatever you do, don't go in from downwind or your noses will regret it."

* * *

Ron felt warm lips brushing his cheek. Very warm lips. Extremely warm lips, really.

"OW!" he cried, jerking his head away.

"Hey, I didn't like it, either," Shego snapped, glaring at him.

"Why? Why would you kiss me, why?" Ron demanded.

"To wake you up, nimrod. Did you really want me to risk using my hands?"

Ron almost instantly said yes. But then he got a good look at Shego's hands, and the disturbing way that her fingers were continually releasing black tendrils of smoke.

"Lips are good. Lips are GREAT!"

"Thought you'd say that."

"Um...what happened to your hands?"

"Long story short, I couldn't use them because the manacles made them useless for generating plasma. So I surrounded the manacles with ion gas and blew them up. Only, since my powers didn't apply to my hands at the moment, it hurt. A lot. But I couldn't put them out, since they were already too sensitive. So I'm kinda forced to let them burn out on their own. And it's put me in a really shitty mood, so don't push it."

Ron blinked. "Uh...well, if you can get me out of these things, I could try wrapping them with my shirt."

"Works for me." Shego narrowed her eyes, slicing each of the four manacles with two thin plasma beams.

Ron dropped the floor and yanked his shirt off. "Do you wanna, or should I...?"

Wordlessly, Shego held out her hands, wincing only a few times as he tore his shirt in half and carefully wrapped them. Then she sank down against the wall, looking more worn out than Ron had ever seen her.

"Now...get Kimmie and her mom out of that pod. I made Amy turn it off before I kicked her teeth in, so it should be safe to open."

Ron winced at the thought and went over to the pod. It took a few tries to find the right button, but the doors finally slid open. "KP? Mrs. Dr. P? You two okay?"

Mrs. Possible slowly emerged, holding Kim tightly to her chest. "I think so, Ron. At least, neither of us grew any fur. What about you?"

"I'm cool. I think Shego took the worst of it for us."

"Shego? But I thought she was...?"

Ron shrugged. "Don't ask. Kim seems to like her now, and the feeling seems mutual. She stopped Monkey Fist...for good, from the look of him. But don't look, you really don't wanna see what's left!"

"I'll take your word for it." Mrs. Possible lowered her voice as she stroked Kim's hair. "Look, Kimmie. Ron is just fine, see?"

"Wonnie?" Kim asked softly, turning around to look at him.

Ron caught one of her little fists and kissed it. "Hey, KP. You know it takes more than a little nosebleed to put me out of action."

Kim smiled and tugged on his hair affectionately. Then her face grew worried again. "Go okies?"

A quick glance behind him showed that Shego had passed out. "She's taking a nap," Ron replied. "But we better not wake her. She wasn't in a good mood last time I checked..."

* * *

Mr. Dr. Possible practically leaped out of the taxi and ran to his front door. He stopped a few feet short of it, and from the way the two sets of pounding footsteps behind him ended abruptly, so did his boys.

Ron seemed to be replacing the front door. The old one, lying in the grass, was split in two.

And even that might have been fine, to a certain extent, if Drew Lipsky wasn't helping him.

"Ronald," Mr. Possible said as calmly as he could, "I trust there is a reasonable explanation for this?"

"Reasonable? We're fresh out of that, Mr. Dr. P," Ron replied. "But if you want fantastic, outrageous, and utterly unbelievable, we might have some in stock."

"Check him for mind control chips, Dad," Jim suggested in a loud whisper, shooting a wary look at Drakken.

"Don't worry, Drakken's on the level," Ron assured them. "Today, anyway. He even helped wash the breakfast dishes."

Mr. Possible hesitated. "Well...I suppose that's fine, then." He narrowed his eyes a bit. "And I have your word that you won't start any trouble in our home?" he asked Drakken.

Drakken solemnly raised a hand. "Scientist's honor."

"That's like scout's honor for geniuses," Tim explained, seeing Ron's clueless look.

"I knew that!" Ron insisted, but no one seemed to believe him.

"I'm glad you're taking this so well," Drakken sighed, looking very relieved. "Why, now I'm not even half as worried about what you'll think of Shego sleeping in Kimberly's room!"

The hesitant acceptance dropped off of Mr. Possible's face at once. "WHAT?"

* * *

Shego woke up with a mild headache and numb hands. Strangely enough, she found her hands bandaged. It was possible Dr. Drakken had done it, but health care wasn't really his expertise, and it looked far too professional for Shego's liking. She didn't care much for hospitals, because the few times she'd been in one, she'd felt far too vulnerable and weak.

"Oh! You're awake!" said a voice from the door.

Shego's head whipped up to see Mrs. Dr. Possible in the doorway. "You're...Kimmie's mom," she said slowly, recognition and relief in her tone. She tensed up again, however, seeing the bandages and antiseptic in the doctor's hands.

Apparently not the least bit bothered by Shego's presence, Mrs. Possible came in and sat down beside the bed. "I was concerned. You've been asleep nearly two whole days."

"I heal fast. On my own." Shego continued to scowl at the bandages, making her anxiety even more obvious.

"Oh. Well...these can wait, I suppose," Mrs. Possible said, putting them aside. She cleared her throat and looked directly into Shego's eyes. "I assume this must all be a bit strange for you."

"Kinda," Shego admitted. "Never woke up in Kimmie's room before."

"It was the best we could do, under the circumstances. Ron pointed out you might still have some outstanding warrants, so you'd only be taken into custody if you showed up at a hospital. And, considering what you've done for this family, I'm sure Kimmie doesn't mind."

"Where's she been sleeping?" Shego asked, feeling a bit guilty.

"With me. She's been very fussy, since you wouldn't wake up when I brought her in to see you. She seemed to think you were staying asleep on purpose."

Shego smirked. "Not much choice, really. When I drain my powers like that, they need time to return to normal. Especially if I'm hurt. Only way to get better is to sleep it off."

"Your hands were looking better the last time I changed the bandages," Mrs. Possible agreed. "I think I'll be able to give you a clean bill of health in a day or so."

"Isn't this weird for you?" Shego asked suddenly.

Mrs. Possible blinked in surprise. "It was. But I guess I got used to it while you were asleep. Monique and Ron told me how you helped them look after Kim. I couldn't find it in my heart to be angry at someone who obviously cares a great deal for my daughter...now, anyway." She leaned closer and lightly laid her hand on Shego's arm. "You saved her life, Shego, and mine as well. If you hadn't done what you did, we'd all be a bunch of monkeys right now."

Shego shuddered at the thought, and nearly missed Mrs. Possible's next words.

"I want you to know that you'll always be welcome in our home. And if there's anything you ever need-"

"Wait, stop," Shego interrupted. "This is too weird. You're thanking me?"

"You saved our lives. What did you expect me to do? Pretend none of it ever happened?"

"Yeah, actually," Shego admitted, looking a tiny bit ashamed of herself. "Do you actually want to remember almost being turned into a monkey?"

"If it reminds me of what you did for us, then yes," Mrs. Possible replied firmly. "So is there anything you need?"

"Food would be nice," Shego said hesitantly. "And maybe some aspirin."

"That's hardly going to cancel out the debt, you know," Mrs. Possible pointed out as she stood up and headed for the door. "You can't imagine how much Kim means to us. And even then, you saved two lives, not one. Three, if Ronald feels the same way. Why, we would never really be able to repay you, would we?" She smiled as she left the room.

Shego closed her eyes and tried to go back to sleep, feeling more and more odd by the second.

* * *

In the next few hours, Shego had a near endless stream of visitors. Monique and Ron were first, bringing a clearly delighted Kim with them. Ron must have had a talk with Mrs. Possible, because he instantly declared himself at Shego's disposal.

"And if you ever decide to change professions," he added, "you let me know, and I could score you a job at Bueno Nacho. I've only got so much pull there, but I could have you up to Assistant Queso Button Pusher like that!"

"You're all heart," Shego said dryly.

"Hey, don't knock it! Even KP never got any higher than that."

Kim shot him a look that promised certain doom when she was back to normal.

Monique had been more reserved in her thanks. At least, while Ron was in the room. But as soon as he left, she leaned in and gave Shego a big kiss on the nose.

"What was that?" Shego demanded, half amused and half frightened.

"Just my way of saying thanks," Monique replied. "I can't exactly get you a cushy job. But the next time you want something from Club Banana, I'll make sure it's a steal that won't get us both in trouble."

Even that was nothing compared to Mr. Dr. Possible's visit. He had clearly been a bit uncomfortable, but managed to also thank Shego for saving his daughter and his wife.

Then he dropped a bomb on her by mentioning that the security team at the Middleton Space Center was looking for someone of her talents to beef up their ranks. The only catch was that she'd have to go legit, and the pay wouldn't be what she was used to, although it wouldn't exactly wreck her standard of living, either. Apparently, there was big business in keeping certain mad scientists away from all of the cutting edge technology.

Dr. Drakken turned out to be her most frequent visitor, coming in right before Mrs. Possible, who popped in every hour or so to check on her. Shego could tell that it bothered him to see her on constant bedrest. Not because she wasn't earning her pay, but because it was just odd to see someone like her resting so much. In truth, she almost wished she was better, so they could run off and steal something dangerous and expensive. But then she would remember Mr. Possible's offer, which strangely seemed more and more attractive every time she thought of it.

And if that job hadn't been tempting enough, Wade called later that night, saying in a suspiciously smug tone that warrants for her in over 27 states had mysteriously ceased to exist. Naturally, that also cleared of her any charges in Middleton, making it much easier for her to be legally employed.

Even Kim's twin brothers came in a few times, mostly to poke at her and ask extremely annoying questions about her new relationship with Kim. She wasn't sure how they'd found out, but Tim (at least, she thought it was him, she couldn't be bothered with trying to tell them apart) hinted that Kim wouldn't mind sharing the bed once they were both better. In the end, she could only get rid of them by making her eyes flare, since they knew her hands were useless until fully healed. Still, she was glad that at least some of Kim's family didn't seem to mind her spending time with Kim.

No one mentioned Monkey Fist or DNAmy, so she just assumed the worst (or the best, depending on your outlook).

* * *

Dr. Drakken knocked softly on the bedroom door. "Shego?"

"C'mon in, Dr. D," he heard her answer. "We need to talk, anyway."

That was not quite what he'd expected to hear, so he entered cautiously. He found Shego sitting on the edge of the bed, as if trying to decide whether or not she should get up. She finally decided to stay put, and waved him over when she caught him staring.

"Sit," Shego ordered, patting the spot next to her. "I won't bite, this time."

There was much of the old Shego in that invitation, and Drakken felt himself relax slightly...as much as he had ever relaxed around her, anyway. So many times she'd smiled at him one second and decked him the next, that he was almost always on his guard around her. It was odd, he recognized now, that he'd come to rely on her as his main source of survival. Shego stole the technology, Shego robbed the banks, Shego protected him from Kim Possible, and Shego led his henchmen with an iron fist. More than that, she shot down any plan that he hadn't thought out enough. Occasionally she'd let him get away with a real head scratcher, but he suspected she did that more for his benefit that anything else. He would hardly be a mad scientist if he didn't attempt some less than sane schemes every now and then.

"SIT!" Shego snapped, bringing him out of his thoughts in an instant.

Drakken sat.

The scowl on her face vanished at once, only to be replaced by a strangely hesitant look.

It didn't suit her at all, Drakken decided. Shego was a woman of action. He couldn't recall the last time he'd seen her hesitate.

"Would I sound totally ungrateful," Shego said quietly, "if I told you I couldn't do this anymore?"

He was not at all surprised. "There's no need to look that way, Shego," Drakken answered in what he hoped was a comforting tone. "I hardly expected you to go right back to work. You're injured and need time to heal, so-"

Without looking at him, Shego raised her bandaged right hand. It instantly burst into brilliant green and swirling black, consuming the bandages in a few seconds. "I'm healed. But that's not what I meant."

Drakken peered at her closely. "You want to stop for her, don't you?"

She looked away, but not before a grimace crossed her face. "Not just for her. It couldn't have been easy to get rid of those warrants, not even for Big Brain. This is a chance I might never get again."

"Don't delude yourself, Shego," Drakken replied. "You won't get it again, and you know it."

Shego glared at him. "Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy our little pep talks?"

"This isn't a pep talk, and I am not Kim Possible. You know very well that it won't be easy. The warrants may be gone, but the memories aren't. They won't give you the benefit of a doubt. You won't even be able to leave this house without someone in it vouching for you."

"I know," Shego muttered.

"But," Drakken added, "it probably would help if you could no longer be associated with an evil genius." With that, he stood up and pointed a tiny, gloved finger at her face. "SHEGO! You're fired!" he shouted.

She stared at him in disbelief, just before a snarl came over her lips. "You blueberry-faced dork, I'll-!" Shego began to say, leaping to her feet and going for his neck. She stopped an inch from him, her face clouded with confusion. "Wait a minute..."

Drakken smiled at her, even as his face twisted in supposed rage. "I hope the Possibles turn you in the first chance they get!" he yelled.

"GET OUT!" Shego screamed, shrugging helplessly. "SEE HOW FAR YOU MAKE IT WITHOUT ME!"

"I WILL!" Drakken shouted back. He paused and lowered his voice. "I think that's enough. But you should probably hit me, so it'll look authentic."

"Okay. But I take no pleasure in this," Shego swore.

The enormous grin on her face said otherwise.

* * *

"CURSE YOU, SHEGO!" Drakken screamed as Ron dragged him down the stairs. "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME!"

"My goodness, what happened to his face?" Mrs. Dr. Possible cried as she caught sight of the raving mad scientist. One cheek was badly brusied, and the other was so swollen that his eye was barely visible.

"I think Shego's back on her feet," Ron explained. "You might wanna check on her while I show Drakken the door."

Mrs. Possible hurried upstairs to Kim's room, only to find Shego standing by the window. "Shego? What happened?"

"He fired me," Shego answered, "and I told him what I thought of that." She paused. "Um...I'll clean up the blood, honest."

"Don't worry. I'll get it."

"Really, I can-"

"I am a brain surgeon, Shego. It's nothing I haven't seen before."

"Oh. Right." Shego frowned thoughtfully. "I'd forgotten what it feels like to be unemployed. It's...weird. Like I don't have a purpose anymore."

"You are more than just a job, Shego."

"That would probably sound a lot more convincing if it wasn't coming from a brain surgeon that's married to a rocket scientist."

Mrs. Possible blinked and smiled. "You know, you're absolutely right. But if it's a job you're worried about, I have one in mind."

"Yeah?" Shego asked, unable to keep the interest out of her voice. "You need someone to hold people down when you saw their heads open?"

Mrs. Possible's smile became very thin. "I need someone to watch Kimmie for a while. And since she won't take a nap for anyone else, I think she'll listen to you."

"Oh." Shego considered that. "So how much are we talking here?"

"I was actually thinking you'd do it for free."

"So it's not really a job, so much as it is volunteer work," Shego corrected.

Mrs. Possible sighed. "I like to think of it as a labor of love. You do love Kim, don't you?"

Shego looked away, but not before the hint of red rose in her cheeks.

"You don't need to be in a rush to go out and find a job, anyway. I told you, you're welcome to stay as long as you want."

"I don't like charity," Shego stated flatly.

Mrs. Possible smiled at her. "It's not charity, Shego. It's gratitude. And it feels a lot better, in your case, because you've earned it. You've more than earned it. You deserve it."

* * *

Ten minutes later, Shego found herself stretched out on the couch.

"This is how Kimmie got started, you know," Mrs. Possible said, placing her daughter in Shego's hands.

"Huh," Shego muttered, staring at the bright-eyed toddler on her chest. "Your eyelids are getting heeeavy. You want to naaap. Naaaaaap. Na-"

"Please don't hypnotize my daughter," Mrs. Possible interrupted.

Shego sighed in frustration before turning back to Kim. "SLEEP."

Kim blinked a few times. Finally, she crawled down Shego's body and flopped bonelessly across her stomach. She was asleep in seconds.

"Is this normal toddler behavior?" Shego asked.

"Only for people she feels especially close to. She used to do it all the time when I was pregnant with the twins."

"She slept ON you?"

"Well, no. But she often fell asleep with her head on my side."

"I thought the whole digestive system in her ear would keep her awake."

Mrs. Possible shrugged. "Maybe she just thinks you're growling at giant puppies."

Shego glowered at her. "NOT funny."

* * *

To Be Concluded Next Chapter: Kim has to deal with everything that happened during her little vacation from her body. 


	8. Back to Basics

Notes: Sorry this took so long, if it did. Online classes are more time-consuming than I knew. Rest assured I am writing when both time and inspiration allow.

Chapter 8: Back to Basics

Shego woke up only because she felt someone breathing on her neck. She opened her eyes, which promptly widened.

Kim Possible was lying on top of her. Not Kimmie the toddler, but THE Kim Possible.

Shego then discovered a very important fact: never put toddler clothes on a person you expect to turn back into teen. It only left them looking silly and half-naked. She didn't mind the half-naked part, and the silly portion was amusing, but she didn't want Kim to wake up like this. Well, she did, just without the embarrassment.

"Kimmie," Shego said softly in Kim's ear. "Wake up."

"Mmm." Kim shifted slightly, only to press her face into Shego's neck.

Shego indulged in that particular guilty pleasure for a few moments. "Kimmie," she said again. "Wake up."

"Mmm!" Now Kim's red hair draped itself over Shego's neck, tickling her to no end.

Shego decided to try a different tactic. "Ron's wearing your bra."

"Mmm-WHAT!" Kim's head snapped up, just in time for Shego to slap a hand over her mouth.

"Welcome back, Kimmie. You wanna put something on now."

Kim blinked, and a flush quickly worked its way over her face.

"Don't be embarrassed. Just put something on, before someone sees-"

Monique ran into the room. "KIM! You...probably don't wanna be wearing that diaper anymore... I'll just, um...grab some stuff from your room..."

"Please and thank you," Kim sighed.

* * *

"I've scanned you three times already, Kim," Wade reported a few minutes later. "It's like you said: the ray's effects were either temporary, or canceled out by something that happened to you. Eat anything you wouldn't normally?"

"No, just smaller, easily chewable portions," Kim replied. "So is it safe to assume I won't be two again tomorrow?"

"If you were going to change back and forth, I think it would've happened sooner than it did. You should be back to normal."

Kim shook her head. "I don't think I'll ever be normal again, Wade. Ron's seen me spit up, Monique has bathed me, I woke up on top of Shego this morning, and I almost got turned into a baby monkey."

"You do remember the time you actually WERE a monkey?"

"Yeah, but I didn't think I'd have to worry about it anymore."

"I hear you. But you can get past this, Kim. It'll be weird for a while, but you've faced off against embarrassment before and won."

"Wade, I wet myself. Sometimes on command. Which reminds me, Ron is NEVER allowed to talk to toddlers again."

"Way more than I wanted to know. But it's good to have you back, Kim."

Kim smiled. "Good to be back, Wade."

"On the plus side, this adventure has given me an idea for the website. We need to show people that you have a softer side."

"Wade, no naked baby pictures," Kim growled.

"I was thinking Pre-K, actually. More presentable, and people love pigtails. There's a shot of you and Ron on a slide that really speaks to me."

"And what does it say?"

"'So it IS possible to go down a slide upside down and backwards.' Also explains why his hair is stuck like that."

* * *

"Ready..." Ron said, licking his lips.

"Set..." Monique added, flexing her fingers.

"Go!" Rufus squeaked.

Both of Kim Possible's best friends were soon engaged in a nacho-inhaling contest the likes of which Bueno Nacho had rarely ever seen. Rufus could only look on in awe as several containers of nachos gradually disappeared. Normally, he would've been right in the middle of it, swiping nachos where he could, but this was war, and he didn't want to lose an arm.

Besides, no way he was going to miss out on challenging the winner. There could be only one.

None of them noticed when the woman in a trench coat, shades, and a sombrero slipped into the booth beside Ron. Nor did they notice when Kim herself came in a moment later.

They did notice, however, when a brief but very noticeable flash went off, immortalizing their cheese-covered chins on film.

"This," Kim said grandly, waving the instant photo in the air, "is what will make sure no one ever finds out about this weekend."

Monique let out a hearty belch, signaling her surrender. "Kim, I am in no hurry to tell anyone that I now know how to change a mean diaper. And now that I have babysat, I will never do it again." She paused. "Is that Shego in there?" she asked, nodding at the trench coat.

"Didn't want to be hit by any flying nacho bits," Shego answered in a muffled tone. "Plus, I'm not sure they've forgotten me here yet."

"Am I to understand that you asked us here to blackmail us into silence, KP?" Ron asked, looking hurt. "I KNEW Shego was influencing you!"

Shego rolled her eyes behind the shades. "If I was REALLY influencing her, you'd both be waking up naked in the school parking lot tomorrow with no memory of how you'd gotten there."

Ron and Monique traded uneasy looks.

"She's kidding," Kim assured them, shooting Shego an annoyed glance. "And that's not why I asked you to meet us here." She took a deep breath. "We need to talk about these last few days."

"So...you do remember everything?" Ron asked.

"Stupidhead," Kim said simply.

Ron banged his forehead on the table.

"I'm even willing to forgive some of the mistreatment, RONALD, but there are some things that still concern me." Kim reached across the table and patted Ron's head. "I'm sorry I spit up on you, Ron. I'm sorry I couldn't save you from Monkey Fist."

"No big, KP," Ron assured her. Hesitantly, he added, "Um...you forgot to apologize for calling me 'stupidhead,' too."

Kim just grinned at him before turning to her best girlfriend. "Monique, I'm sorry I wet you, that you had to change me, give me a bath, and...um...sleep with me."

"No big, girl," Monique replied easily enough. "Although, I actually enjoyed the sleeping part."

"And none of that feels awk-weird to you?"

"Well, sure. But it had to be done, and I shudder to think of how someone ELSE might have handled it, so I can live with it. If anything, I feel closer to you now, Kim. I wouldn't call that weird at all."

Kim smiled and gave her a big hug. "You're the best, Mo-Mo."

"As if it wasn't obvious," Monique chuckled.

Rufus sniffled and wiped away a tear.

Kim patted his head. "Thanks for keeping me company all that time, Rufus. Sorry if I squeezed you too tight."

"S'okay," Rufus replied with a toothy grin.

"You better save whatever you were gonna tell me, Kimmie," Shego interrupted. "That nerdy manager is giving me the eye."

Kim nodded. "Who, Ned? Ron can distract him while we escape."

"I don't know," Ron said sullenly. "Maybe I'm too big a stupidhead for that. And no amount of the puppy-dog pout is going to make me budge!"

"How about another kiss?" Kim asked innocently.

Ron's eyes bulged out of his head. "What?"

"Oh, not from me," Kim answered. "Shego told me about your little moment in DNAmy's lab."

"That was no moment! That was sick and wrong!"

"Agreed," Shego muttered.

Kim smirked. "Even if you could resist my puppy-dog pout...which I seriously doubt, by the way...I'm betting you can't resist it in triplicate."

"Wha? AH!" Ron shrieked as he was suddenly hit by three puppy-dog pouts. "Put them away! PUT THEM AWAY! I'll distract Ned!"

"I think he's had enough, ladies," Monique laughed. "Shall we?"

Shego quickly got up and headed straight for the exit.

"Don't take it personally, Ron," Kim suggested as she stood. Impulsively, she leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You'll always be my stupidhead, anyway. Thanks for the spiffy overalls!" With that, she ran to catch up with Shego.

Ron sat there with a dazed look on his face, so he was easy prey for when Monique brushed her lips against his other cheek.

"You tell ANYONE about that and I'll deny it, Ron. But this weekend has taught me some things. You ever need a date for a dance, you got my digits. Who knows? I might even say yes."

"So...all the times you yelled at me?"

"Oh, I meant them. Not taking them back, either. But I think I understand why Kim has stuck with you for so long now."

"You mean my boyish charm?" Ron asked smugly.

"No, it's not that," Monique said at once.

Ron deflated a bit.

"You're a loyal friend, a decent guy...and kinda cute, when the light hits you right."

"Is it hitting me right now?"

"Nope. But I still like you, anyway." She patted his cheek fondly before walking away. "Later, boyfriend," Monique called over her shoulder.

Ron made his way over to the counter, where Assistant Manager Ned was watching him in awe.

"You just got kissed by two pretty girls inside five minutes," Ned whispered.

"That's just how I roll, Neddy my man!"

Ned looked skeptical, and somewhat sympathetic. "Never gonna happen again, is it?"

Ron's face fell. "A man can dream." He held in a sniffle as Ned clapped him on the shoulder. "A man can dream..."

* * *

Kim frowned as Shego stretched out on her bed. "We really need to work out some sleeping arrangements, Shego."

"No, we don't. I'm still sleeping in your bed. You can either share with me or go on sleeping with Mommy."

"It's my room!" Kim cried. "And my bed!"

Shego grinned. "I'll wrestle you for it."

"No! It's my bed!"

"I didn't say you couldn't sleep here, Kimmie. Just that you had to share. Unless, of course, you're...chicken."

"It's not a matter of how I feel," Kim pointed out, her cheeks red. "No way my parents will let us sleep in the same bed."

Shego shrugged. "Guess you're sleeping with them, then. I don't have a problem sharing, but if they won't let you..."

"That's not fair! It's my bed!"

"Not my problem, Kimmie. I'm not the one keeping you out. Guess it was different when you were two."

Kim blinked. "Different how?"

"Your mom didn't have a problem with us sleeping together then."

"...you're right. She trusted you with me." A wicked smile appeared on her face. "Which gives me an idea."

"Oooh, I love it when you're devious."

"What? I'm never devious!"

"You're right." Shego winked at her. "Must just be you, then."

Kim turned bright red. "You can't keep talking like that if we're going to pull this off. We're trying to convince my parents that this is totally innocent."

"You better do all the talking, then. I'm no good at innocent."

"Good point. And try not to touch me, either."

"This is getting less fun by the second, Kimmie."

"It's supposed to be innocent, not fun. If they think we'll enjoy it, they'll never go for it. We have to convince them that this is good for me."

"And how are we going to do that?"

"Just leave everything to me, Shego. When I'm done, they'll want you within three feet of me at all times."

Shego rolled her eyes. "I guess I can live with that. No feet would be better, though."

Kim shook her head. "Now you're just getting greedy."

"You haven't seen me greedy yet, Kimmie. But you will," Shego promised.

Kim forced herself to look away. "This is why you're not allowed to talk, Shego. You turn everything into girl/girl innuendo. You're like...like a guy."

"Oh, so just because I have a healthy sexual appetite, I'm a guy? Kimmie, open your eyes. Think of the person you know that probably has the most sex. Is it a girl or a guy?"

Kim thought about it...and her eyes widened.

"Girl, right?"

"...yeah."

"And now look at Stoppable. How much sex do you think he has?"

"...none, but that's not a good example."

"Fine. Think of the guy you know that has the most sex. Is there a catch involved?"

"Yes, actually. He probably has so much because he's almost always with the girl I was thinking about."

Shego smirked. "There, you see? Men can be sluts, too. Only they like to call themselves jocks. Sounds a little better, but it's the same thing."

"Should I be worried that all you want to talk about is sex?" Kim asked.

"No, Kimmie," Shego chuckled. "You should only worry if that's all I wanted to do: talk about it."

* * *

The Doctors Possible were watching TV in the den when someone interrupted them.

"Mom? Dad? I have a problem."

The parents looked at their daughter, and both instantly guessed the problem.

Kim was standing in the doorway, clutching Shego's hand rather tightly. For her part, Shego looked incredibly bored.

"What is it, Kimmie?" Mrs. Possible asked.

"I can't...I don't want to sleep alone," Kim said quietly.

"Well, you have been through a traumatic experience, Kimmie cub," Mr. Possible noted. "Of course you're going to feel a little out of sorts for a while. Having someone you trust nearby will help you regain your confidence. I'm sure Ron or Monique wouldn't mind-"

"Actually," Kim interrupted softly, "I was really hoping Shego could do it. And that you two would be okay with it?"

"...Shego?" Mr. Possible asked in something like horror.

Mrs. Possible patted her husband's hand reassuringly. "If Shego makes you feel safe, Kimmie, she can share your room."

"Really, Mom?" Kim smiled in relief. "You have no idea how much it'll help, knowing I have Shego to hold me when I'm-"

"HOLD you?" Mr. Possible interrupted, looking alarmed.

"Well, yes. That is why I want to share my bed with her."

Mrs. Possible cleared her throat. "Kimmie...you never said anything about sharing your bed...just your room..."

"But, Mom!" Kim wailed. "You know I haven't been able to get to sleep unless she was holding me!"

"That's true, but you were only two then. This is...different, you know?"

"How? I still need her!"

"Ah...how do you feel about all this, Shego?" Mr. Possible asked.

Shego shrugged. "I feel she's being too nice. Far as I'm concerned, she's only asking to be polite. You say no, we'll just go somewhere else and do it, anyway. At least this way, you know where she is."

"But surely as an adult, you understand our feelings on this?"

"Look, all I know is that Kimmie needs me, and I'm not in the habit of letting anyone else get in my way. So you can either have us here and have a pretty good idea of what we're not doing, or we can be out there where you'll have NO idea of what we're doing. Your choice."

And when it was put that way, there really was no choice at all.

* * *

"Nice touch with the ultimatum at the end," Kim commented once they were back in her room. "I was worried for a while, but they actually went for it."

"I can be convincing when it's important," Shego replied. "And if you need a security blanket that bad, I'd rather it be me than anything else." She threw a rather hostile glance at the Pandaroo on Kim's pillow and resisted the childish urge to hide it somewhere.

Kim scoffed. "You're not a security blanket, Shego. You're a sex straightjacket."

"Hey, you're the one that needs to be held. You never specified how."

"You do realize that was part of the act, right?"

Shego shook her head. "Then drop the act, Kimmie. You're vulnerable right now. Even if you weren't, you knew when I invited you to share that we wouldn't be doing anything more than cuddling. Hell, you can't even kiss me without getting red in the face."

"In my defense, you're a pretty intense kisser."

"True, but I said YOU can't kiss ME without going red. That's got very little to do with how I kiss you, and more to do with you not being ready for anything beyond that. The 'rents probably wouldn't have freaked as much if you'd told them that. Not that it was any of their business, though."

"They're going to figure it out, once they see I'm over being two again."

"I think you're already over it, for the most part. Your body just happens to be addicted to me now."

Kim snorted loudly. "Get over yourself, Shego. I just felt safe. That's it."

"Do you feel safe now?" Shego asked, leering at her.

"No, now I feel like one of those poor security guards you enjoy manhandling so much." Kim paused and gently took Shego's hand. "I, um...heard about you and Drakken. I'm sorry."

Shego waved her off. "Don't be, it was an act. He wants to help me go legit, so he fired me."

"Oh." Kim stared at her. "So...want me to call in a few favors? I know this guy that used to be a pro wrestler-"

Shego pressed a finger to Kim's lips. "I know you're trying to help, Kimmie, and I really appreciate it, but I'd rather find my own job."

"Does that mean you're not going to work at the Space Center?"

"Let's say I'm considering it a last resort. I don't know if I want to be around your father that much."

"Dad's just protective of me. It'd be a great chance to get to know him."

"And what do you think is going to happen when he gets to know me?"

"Hopefully, he'll see all the good things in you that I do."

"Like what?" Shego asked sarcastically.

Kim blinked. "Um...your, um..."

"Boobs," Shego supplied.

"No!"

"Legs?"

Kim sighed. "Shego..."

"What, my butt? It's my butt, isn't it?"

"This isn't just pure lust for your body on my part, Shego. I actually do like OTHER things about you."

"Name one," Shego challenged.

"You're fiercely protective of me without really meaning to be."

"How does that work?"

"If a guy walked up and started hitting on me, Ron would try to brush him off before getting violent. But you'd just deck him without a second thought."

"And you like that?" Shego asked slowly.

"No, actually. But it's sweet...in a way...I think."

"So if I suddenly just slap Stoppable tomorrow..."

"No, Shego."

Shego pouted and flopped across the bed. "You're no fun."

"We're not supposed to be having fun," Kim reminded her, climbing in as well. "My parents could hear fun. Anyway, you said I wasn't ready."

"And you're not," Shego agreed. "When you're trying to jump me every time I turn around, THEN you'll be ready."

Kim frowned. "So you're basically going to tease me until I'm horny enough to do something about it?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Shego replied with a sinister grin. "Night, Kimmie."

Shaking her head, Kim turned off the bedside lamp. "Goodnight, Shego." She barely had the chance to get comfortable before Shego's arms slid around her, pressing her back into Shego's chest. "See?" Kim couldn't help whispering. "Sex straightjacket."

"You know you love it," Shego murmured in her ear.

Kim hesitated for a long moment, before finally turning her head until she could make out the long length in the darkness that had to be Shego's hair. "Um...Shego?"

"What?" Shego grunted, already half-asleep.

"Thanks. For everything." Kim took a deep breath. "I...I love you."

There was an endless pause, and horrible doubt and fear began to rise in Kim's mind. She'd moved too fast, she'd made a mistake, she should've just kept her big mouth shut, and now Shego would-

"Love you, too, Kimmie," Shego said with surprising clarity, nibbling on Kim's ear to show she was very much awake at the moment. "Now shut up and go to sleep. I've got a hottie in my arms and I'm not gonna let anyone ruin it for me, not even you."

Kim smiled and enjoyed the enormous wave of relief that washed over her. Impulsively, she brought one of Shego's hands to her lips in a brief kiss, before replacing it on her waist.

She didn't even mind so much when the hand moved a bit higher on her body and settled rather casually between her breasts.

"Hands need pillows, too," Shego muttered before Kim could say anything.

Normally, Kim would've disagreed. It was just that she was starting to see Shego's point, which almost worried her. And it wasn't as if they both weren't enjoying that hand being here.

Finally, she settled on leaving the hand where it was, but covering it with a pillow, in case someone walked in on them. There was no sense in sabotaging their new privilege before they could really get the chance to enjoy it. And Kim planned to enjoy it...just as soon as she could figure out how to tell her family and friends that she'd outgrown boys and graduated to the school of Shego.

Suddenly, Kim wished she was two again. She'd never heard of a toddler getting grounded for the rest of their lives, anyway.

The End.

* * *

Endnotes: There will be at least one more installment in the "On" series. Probably just one long chapter or two. Tentatively it's titled "On Being Sheila Gonzalez." If you hadn't guessed, it's all about Shego and her new job(s), as well as Kim trying to explain their relationship to everyone important to her. After that I'll move on to a major story about Ron, assuming I don't get an idea for yet another ficlet between now and then.

I used to think all those fanfics about Bonnie being a slut were just stories. But then, in "So the Drama," we actually get evidence: Bonnie and Brick being on and off several times, Bonnie telling Brick not to shower because "she likes it when he glistens" (sick AND wrong!). I probably wouldn't be mentioning any of this, if not for the G rating in the top left corner of my TV. Hmm. Funny how they can get away with "glistening" under a G rating, yet I get complaints for Kim flashing Wade. At least MY naughtiness is properly coded! No nasty surprises here (well, they're not surprises, anyway). So stick that in your frontal lobe and let it marinate. Or just be glad both Kim and Shego showed some leg in the movie, whatever helps you sleep at night.

(Forget the supposed subliminal messages in Disney movies, they're getting away with it in plain sight! If a teenage girl you know starts showing an unhealthy interest in unwashed boys, look out! She may be a Bonnie Believer!)

* * *

And now, something entirely different:

"Wait, wait, I've got one!"

The laughter of the prisoners eventually settled down, allowing the next speaker to continue.

"How about...The Faceless Evil?"

There was silence for about three seconds before the room dissolved into roaring laughter again.

"No!" called another voice. "Putty Face!"

"Captain Clay!"

"Taffy Man!"

"Chuckles the Silly Piggy!"

The laughter stopped abruptly as everyone turned to look at the last prisoner to speak.

"What?" he asked nervously. "I heard it somewhere."

The moment spoiled, the crowd of prisoners gradually broke apart, which left the man once known as Professor Dementor by himself, stewing in his rage.

Had he a mouth, he probably would've growled something along the lines of, "You'll pay for this, Shego!" But the reconstructive surgery hadn't left him with too many options, so he'd been forced to allow his face to become little more than a round mass with two beady, enraged eyes. He now wore an improved version of his old mask, one that covered his entire head and face, leaving only his eyes exposed.

Slowly pushing away from the table, he stood up and began to leave the room. He paused in the doorway, turned back to the table, and narrowed his eyes.

With no more warning than a small cracking noise, the table burst into golden flames and reverted to ashes. The entire process had taken no longer than three seconds.

The man left the room, his eyes closed in thought. Kim Possible and Shego had managed to interrupt him in the midst of his latest project, but he'd gotten far enough to see some pretty impressive results. Now, it was just a matter of sharpening his focus, so that he could better control this unnatural gift he'd blessed himself with.

Because in the end, if he had anything to say about it, Shego would burn. If Drakken interfered, then so would he. If Kim Possible tried to stop him, she would burn as well, and he would scatter their ashes to the sea.

And while he no longer had a mouth to laugh with, he would laugh. Oh, yes. Even if he were the only one who could hear it, he would laugh.


End file.
